Deep Thoughts (fwd)

[Mike Harrelson <mikeh@mindspring.com>]

>
>1.  A bus station is where a bus stops. A train
>     station is where a train stops. On my desk,
>     I have a work station...
>
>2.  If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they
>     call it Fed UP?
>
>3.  If quitters never win, and winners never quit,
>     what fool came up with,"Quit while you're ahead"?
>
>4.  Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
>
>5.  What hair color do they put on the driver's
>     licenses of bald men?
>
>6.  I was thinking that women should put pictures
>     of missing husbands on beer cans.
>
>7.  I was thinking about how people seem to read
>     the Bible a whole lot more as they get older,
>     then it dawned on me - they were cramming for
>     their finals.
>
>8.  I thought about how mothers feed their babies
>     with little tiny spoons and forks, so I wonder
>     what Chinese mothers use. Toothpicks?
>
>9.  Why do they put pictures of criminals up in
>     the Post Office? What are we supposed to do
>     . . . write to these men? Why don't they just
>     put their pictures on the postage stamps so the
>     mailmen could look for them while they delivered
>     the mail?
>
>10. How much deeper would oceans be if sponges
>     didn't live there?
>
>11. If it's true that we are here to help others,
>     then what exactly are the OTHERS here for?
>
>12. Clones are people two.
>
>13. If a man says something in the woods and there
>     are no women around to hear him, is he still
>     wrong?
>
>14. Go ahead and take risks....just be sure that
>     everything will turn out OK.
>
>15. If you can't be kind, at least have the
>     decency to be vague.
>
>16. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would
>     be if it didn't zigzag?
>
>17. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
>
>18. Think "honk" if you're telepathic.
>
>19. If a person with multiple personalities
>     threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage
>     situation?
>
>20. If a cow laughed, would milk come out her
>     nose?
>
>21. I went for a walk last night and my kids asked me
>     how long I'd be gone said, "The whole time."
>
>22. So what's the speed of dark?
>
>23. How come you don't ever hear about gruntled
>     employees? And who has been dicing them anyhow?
>
>24. After eating, do amphibians need to wait an
>     hour before getting OUT of the water?
>
>25. Why don't they just make mouse-flavoured cat
>     food?
>
>26. If you're sending someone some Styrofoam,
>     what do you pack it in?
>
>27. I just got skylights put in my place. The
>     people who live above me are furious.
>
>28. Why do they sterilize needles for lethal
>     injections?
>
>29. Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns
>     because they taste funny?
>
>30. Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a
>     mouse?
>
>31. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp"
>     to have an "s" in it?
>
>32. Since light travels faster than sound, isn't
>     that why some people appear bright until you
>     hear them speak?
>
>33. How come abbreviated is such a long word?
>
>34. If it's zero degrees outside today and it's
>     supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold
>     is it going to be?
>
>35. Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do
>     Asians throw frenchfies?
>
>36. If olive oil comes from olives, where does
>     baby oil come from?
>