Fwd: Fw: Letters to Santa <fwd>

[Robbie Honerkamp <robbie@shorty.com>]

----- Forwarded message from IanLivingston <pb4b@netzero.net> -----

From: "IanLivingston" <pb4b@netzero.net>
Date: Tue, 5 Dec 2000 11:50:30 -0600

>A little Holiday Cheer!!!
>
> > Dear Santa,
> > I wud like a kool toy space ranjur for Xmas. Iv ben a good
> > boy all yeer.
> > YeR FReND,
> > BiLLy
> >
> > Dear Billy,
> > Nice spelling. You're on your way to being a career lawncare
> > specialist. How 'bout I send you a frigin' book so you can learn
> > to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger,
> > at least HE can spell!
> > Santa
> >  ___________________________________________________________
> >
> > Dear Santa,
> > I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is
> > peace and joy in the world for everybody!
> > Love,
> > Sunshine
> >
> > Dear Sunshine,
> > Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
> > Santa
> > _________________________________________________________
> >
> > Dear Santa,
> > I've written you for three years now asking for a fire truck.
> > Please, I really want a fire truck this year!
> > Love,
> > Joey
> >
> > Dear Joey,
> > Let me make it up to you. While you sleep, I'm gonna torch your
> > house. You'll have more fire trucks than you'll know what to do with.
> > Santa
> >  ___________________________________________________________
> >
> > Dear Santa,
> > I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for
> > my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
> > Love,
> > Teddy
> >
> > Dear Teddy,
> > What, and ruin that hot affair your dad's still having with the
> > babysitter? He's banging her like a screen door in a hurricane,
> > son!  Let me get you some nice Legos instead.
> > Santa
> >  _________________________________________________________________
> >
> > Dear Santa,
> > I need more Pokemon cards please! All my friends have more Pokemon
> > cards than me. Please see what you can do.
> > Love,
> > Michelle
> >
> > Dear Michelle,
> > It blows my mind. Kids are forcing their parents to buy
> > hundreds of dollars worth of these stupid cards, and none of you
> > snot-nosed brats are even learning to play the game. Let me get
> > you something more your speed, like "Chutes and Ladders."
> > Santa
> > _____________________________________________________________________
> >
> > Dear Santa,
> > I want a new bike, playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a
> > drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
> > Love,
> > Francis
> >
> > Dear Francis,
> > Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays?
> > Santa
> >  _____________________________________________________________
> >
> > Dear Santa,
> > I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots
> > for your reindeer outside the back door.
> > Love,
> > Susan
> >
> > Dear Susan,
> > Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face.
> > You want to kiss up? Leave me a glass of Chivas Regal and some
> > Toblerone.
> > Santa
> > ______________________________________________________________
> >
> >  Dear Santa,
> > What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you making
> > toys?
> > Your friend,
> > Thomas
> >
> > Dear Thomas,
> > All toys get made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend
> > most my time oogling at cocktail waitresses' boobs and losing all my
> > cash at the craps table. Hey, YOU wanted to know!
> > Santa
> >  _____________________________________________________________
> >
> > Dear Santa,
> > Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're
> > awake, like in the song?
> > Love,
> > Jessica
> >
> > Dear Jessica,
> > Are you that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do, I'm skipping
> > your house...
> > Santa
> >  _________________________________________________________________
> >
> > Dear Santa,
> > I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please
> > PLEASE,  PLEASE could I have one?
> > Timmy
> >
> > Timmy,
> > That whiney begging crap may work with your folks, but that it
> > won't work up here. You're getting a sweater again.
> > Santa
> > ______________________________________________________________
> >
> > Dearest Santa,
> > We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our
> > home?
> > Love,
> > Marky
> >
> > Mark,
> > Firstly, stop calling yourself "Marky," that's why you're getting
> > your butt kicked at school. Secondly, you don't live in a house, that's
> > a low-rent apartment complex you're living in. Thirdly, I get inside
> > your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.
> > Sweet Dreams!
> > Santa



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