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[mob] New Barbies for Atlanta
----- Forwarded message from "David G. Hill" <[email protected]> -----
From: "David G. Hill" <[email protected]>
Date: Wed, 16 Oct 2002 14:30:01 -0400
Subject: [chiplist] (Fwd)
Man, I love local color.
dgh
-----
There are some new additions to the Barbie line based on the
Atlanta
Metro Area:
Buckhead Barbie - this pretentious bitch Barbie is only sold at
Phipps
Plaza, she comes with Kenneth Cole 4 inch clunky shoes (actual
size), an
assortment of real Kate Spade handbags, a take-out box from
the Cheesecake Factory and a mini BMW convertible. Options
include the
Buckhead Nightclub Barbie which comes with a mini 9mm
handgun, a Ray
Lewis knife and cruises Peachtree until 4:00 am.
Dunwoody Barbie - this trendy homemaker Barbie is available with
the
mini-SUV or mini-minivan vehicles, gets lost easily, and has no
fulltime
occupation or secondary education. Available and usually confused
at Perimeter Mall locations. Also available to have discrete affairs
with Ken's friends and coworkers. Traffic jamming' cell phone sold
separately.
Doraville Barbie - this Barbie comes in a silk Kimono, speaks
broken
English but is fluent in 7 computer programming languages, has 3
college degrees, and is only sold in Buford Highway stores
Tucker Barbie - this special white-trash model comes in Wrangler
jeans
that are 2 sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt, big hair, a mini Coors
Light in the can, a Hank Jr. CD set, can spit over 5 feet, and she
can
kick Ken's ass when she's drunk. A mini pickup is also available
with
Rebel flag bumper stickers and the former Georgia Flag a flyin'.
Midtown Barbie - this model features Ken in a sequined cocktail
dress,
breast implants, press-on nails, and a really really bad wig.
Details include a to-go cup from Backstreet, a rainbow scarf, and a
CD
box set featuring Judy Garland, Billie Holiday and assorted big
show
tunes.
Decatur Barbie - this Barbie model is sold in Ken's clothes, features
hairy armpits, tattoos, and a mini CD set from the Indigo Girls
and KD Lang. A special limited edition militant penis-hating Lillith
Fair model is also available.
L5P Barbie - this Barbie model features non-functional 10-inch
platforms, over 12 body piercings, 14 tattoos, a purple-green hair
color, smells like an athlete, has no occupation, and is waiting on
the
curb at the Yacht Club for the Dunwoody Barbie to return and pick
her
up.
College Park Barbie - this thick Barbie comes with 4-inch long
airbrushed curved nails, a blonde hair weave, excessive gold jewelry
and caps, bling-bling, and is also available with the 'Lil Kim SUV
with
automatic weapons. Miniature Lisa "Left-Eye" Lopes house burning
lighter set sold separately.
East Atlanta Barbie - this Barbie was previously a crack Ho Barbie,
but
was recently displaced by a new 25 to 30-year old Barbie that is
actually a $80K/year Yuppie masquerading as a down/out artsy
Barbie.
Comes with a full black wardrobe from second hand stores.
Frank R. Harrison, III
Josiah Meigs Professor of Philosophy
Department of Philosophy
University of Georgia
Athens, GA 30602
[email protected]
Office: (706) 542-2823
FAX: (706) 542-2839
***Sic luceat lux***
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