Bama98

[John Wiles <jwiles1@mindspring.com>]

It has come to our attention that a few copies of the Alabama edition of
Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped outside Alabama. If you
Have one of the Alabama editions you may need some help understanding the
commands. The Alabama edition may be recognized by looking at the
opening screen. It reads WINNDERS 98 with a background picture of the 
General Lee super imposed on a Confederate flag.  It is shipped with a
Daisy Duke screen saver. Also note the Recycle Bin is labeled Outhouse, My
Computer is called This Infernal Contraption, Dialup Networking is called
Good Ol'Boys, Control Panel is known as the Dern Dashboard, Hard Drive is
referred to as 4 wheel drive, and floppies are them little ole plaistic
disc thangs.

 Other features:

 Instead of a error message you get a 'winnder' covered with a garbage
bag and duct tape.
   OK =              ats aww-right
   cancel =         hail no
   reset =           aw shoot
   yes =             shore
   no =               Naaaa
   find =             hunt-fer it
   go to =           over yonder
   back =           back yonder
   help =            hep me out here
   stop =            ternit off
   start =            crank it up
   settings =       sittins
   programs =     stuff at does stuff
   documents =   stuff I done done

Also note that Winnders 98 does not recognize capital letters or
punctuation marks.

 Some programs that are exclusive to Winnders 98:

 tiperiter..................A word processor
 colorin' book..........a graphics program
 addin mershene.....calculator
 outhouse paper .....notepad
 juke-box ...............CD Player
 inner-net................Microsoft Explorer
 pichers..................A graphics viewer
 IRS.......................M/S accounting software
 dog.......................American kennel club records
 fishin.....................Bass Anglers Sportsman Society records.
 NRA......................National  Rifle Association
 shot gun ...............Remington Arms price list
 rifel.......................Winchester price list
 pisstel...................Smith & Wesson price list
 truck.....................Ford & Chevrolet dealers in AL by zip code
 house....................Nearest Mobile home repair service by zip code
 car .......................same as truck, just need two lists in Alabama
 cuzzins..................family history usually a 3 meg file
 tax records.............usually an empty file
 shells.....................ammunition inventory another 3 meg file
 bud........................list of Budwiser dealers by zip code
 racin......................NASCAR racing schedule, includes list of TV 
stations that carry the race, car n truck.
 parts......................nearest Junk yard by zip code
 doc .......................veterinarians  by zip code

We regret any inconvenience it may have caused if you received a copy of
the Alabama edition. You may return it to Microsoft for a replacement
version.

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John Wiles                             | MOTTO: I can please only
http://www.othernet.org/jwiles1/       | one person per day. Today 
http://www.othernet.org/               | is not your day. Tomorrow
  "Ow! dang static electricity..."     | isn't looking good either.
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