Stop The Madness!

["Heather M. Honerkamp" <heather@mindspring.net>]

Thank God the Reverend Jerry Falwell has stepped in to clean up children's
television.  Last week he outed Tinky Winky, from that perverted show
the"Teletubbies," because, Falwell pronounced, the character is clearly a
fount of gayness: He's purple, the gay color; he has an antenna shaped like
a triangle, the gay symbol; and he carries a purse, something all gay people
do.

But Falwell's work is far from over.  You see, kiddy TV is downright rife
with gaiety.  Heck, Toon Town is like one big circuit party and has been for
years.

*** Fred Flintstone
Evidence: His nickname on the Bedrock bowling team: "Twinkle-toes
Flintstone." The show's theme song ends "...we'll have a gay old time!"
Wears an orange dress with little triangles on it. Hangs out with Barney far
more than Wilma.

*** Bugs Bunny
Evidence: Often stands with hand on hip. Plays a hairdresser in one episode.
Frequently dresses in drag. Loves to throw on a top hat and tails and belt
out Broadway show-tunes with his buddy Daffy-who, it's worth noting, has a
lisp.

*** Velma (of Scooby Doo)
Evidence: Always tries to sit next to Daphne in the Mystery Machine. Sports
that butch haircut. Has broad shoulders and wears thick turtleneck-sweaters
and knee socks. Never once shagged Shaggy.

*** Popeye
Evidence: Eats lots of salad. Wears a sailor suit, even though he hasn't
been on a ship in years. Does little sailor-dances. Dates a flat-chested
transvestite named Olive Oyl. Best friend named Wimpy.

*** Batman and Robin
Evidence: Robin's nickname: Boy Wonder. Batman's real name: Bruce. Both wear
tights. They're in great shape. They like to show each other their
"grappling hooks."

*** Peppermint Patty
Evidence: Has a deep, gravelly voice. Wears pants, not dresses like the
other Peanuts gals. Plays a mean game of football. Likes to taunt Charlie
Brown. Always hanging out with that androgynous Marcie. Wears comfortable
shoes. Nickname: Sir.

*** The Pink Panther
'Nuff said

Heather McCausland Honerkamp
Waterdogs Coach, MindSpring Technical Support
404.815.0770 extension 6981
http://www.waterdog.w1.net/


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