MS & CA (fwd)

[Mike Harrelson <sysmlh@aslan.gsu.edu>]

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Subject: MS & CA

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Judge Jackson stuns court, sentences Microsoft to "fate worse than death"

Before a packed and hushed courtroom, Judge Thomas Penfield Jackson today
rendered his final decision in the Microsoft anti-trust case.

"In my opinion, it is practially impossible to be any more guilty of
monopolistic practices than Microsoft," said the Judge. "I contemplated
breaking Microsoft into little teeny tiny pieces, but suddenly it occurred
to me that they deserve a far worse punishment."

"I hereby sentence Microsoft to be acquired by Computer Associates," intoned
the Judge, his voice laced with emotion. "Charles Wang of CA will remain CEO
of the merged companies."

Microsoft chairman Bill Gates was heard sobbing quietly after the decision
was rendered, while attorney Bill Neukom was so overcome that he rent his
garment (said to be a $3000 Armani) in anguish.

"This sentence may seem unduly harsh, but it occurred to me that there was
only one other corporation with as much evil in its heart as Microsoft, only
one other company that was in need of such a punishment," said the Judge.
"You deserve each other."

Within hours of the announcement, CA welcomed their 25,000 new employees
with the traditional email termination notices.

When questioned by reporters, a beaming Wang stated that "I intend to keep
Gates and [Former MS CEO Steve] Ballmer on. We have several openings in the
mailroom."

Reporters wanted to know what all of this meant to the future of Windows.
Wang commented "Our plans are to migrate Windows over to the AS/400 and the
IBM 390 and curtail further development for the PC platform. The day of the
PC is over. We'll put three or four of their people on the Windows legacy
software support team and keep a few other Microsoft programmers around for
sport."

Many were curious as to just why Judge Jackson was so harsh on Microsoft.
The Judge explained: "At first, I was inclined to be lenient, but I'm a bit
of a do-it-yourself-er, and recently I tried to replace my PC's motherboard.
That cinched it."

Tue 04 Apr 07:31:46 2000 PDT
Mark J. Wallin, Ph.D. <mjwallin@earthlink.net>