TODAY'S LITTLE AXIOMS

[Mike Harrelson <mikeh@mindspring.com>]

Subject: TODAY'S LITTLE AXIOMS

 Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

 He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

 A day without sunshine is like, well, night.

 On the other hand, you have different fingers.

 Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

 I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

 Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.

 Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

 I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

 He's not dead, he's electroencephalographically challenged.

 You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be
 misquoted, then used against you.

 Pardon my driving, I am reloading.

 Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so
 popular?

 Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool.

 It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed
 it on the cost of living.

 Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

 The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting
 something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

 It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to
 end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.

 Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish
 and he will sit in a boat drinking beer all day.

 Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.

 Shin: A device for finding furniture

 As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public
 schools.

 A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

 It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

 Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.

 I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few.

 I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

 When you go into court you are putting yourself in the hands of 12
 people that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

 Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear
 bright until you hear them speak