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Fwd: AMERIJKANISTAN
Wow. Those guys really need our help.. :-P
Robbie
----- Forwarded message from Chris Miller <[email protected]> -----
Date: Fri, 17 Nov 2000 10:35:42 -0500
To: [email protected]
From: Chris Miller <[email protected]>
Subject: AMERIJKANISTAN
UN FOCUSES ON TURMOIL IN AMERIJKANISTAN
After two decades in which social and financial inequalities widened amidst
unsustainable speculative development, the country of Amerijkanistan held
presidential elections this week.
The two leading candidates were both drawn from a tiny elite, both spent
vast sums on propaganda, and both have claimed victory. Experts on
Amerijkanistan recall the history of violent revolution, civil war and more
recent political violence and assassinations, resignations, impeachments,
sexual scandals and corruption in this emergent republic, and recommend that
the UN supervise its elections until the country stabilizes.
"It is struggling to emerge from years of political polarization and
turmoil" said a World Trade Organization spokesperson, "and its
long-suffering people deserve our support."
"One side of the country declared results before voting had finished in
another part" he explained. Moreover, he went on to spell out that the
southern province of 'Floridalandia,' in which the leadership struggle is
being fought, is run by the brother of one of the candidates, whose father
had previously ruled the entire country, having risen through his control of
the nation's intelligence/security apparatus. Their family is based in a
part of the country in which secessionist feelings have long run strong and
which was only incorporated into Amerijkanistan after a border war.
Experts on Amerijkanistan argue that the UN should go in to run education
programs, disarm the population, relieve the malnutrition and environmental
problems caused by adherence to a staple diet of cheese and burgers,
democratize the police forces and above all halt the further development of
war machinery. "This country has used dangerous weapons in the past and
often threatened to do so again. But with our help, modernization, and a
stress on human development, it may have a more stable future and join the
ranks of the civilized international community" he said.
----- End forwarded message -----