Some Things to Ponder

[Chris Johnson <1cobra1@gte.net>]

>Since science tells us that sound will not travel through a vacuum, why is my
>Hoover so loud?
>
>To the girl who waited on me at the gap:  My T-shirt said YALE, not y'all.
>
>Tell your friend who bought a damnation puppy that a guy told me he bought a
>rockwilder.  (Is that something like a border collar?)
>
>My girlfriend asked me if I'll love her in the morning.  I told her it 
> depends on what happens tonight.
>
>Never moon a werewolf.
>
>A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
>
>You can keep those other breeds of dogs.  I've got myself a laborer recliner.
>
>Support your right to bare arms.  Wear short sleeves.
>
>What's this advice not to take things personally?  If you're a person, how
>else are you supposed to take it?
>
>What's the difference between ignorance and apathy?   I don't know and I
>don't care.
>
>My wife asked me if I would love her when her hair turns grey.  I said, "Of
>course. Haven't I loved you through three other colors already?"
>
>A woman was scooping up an armload of toaster pastries just as I was
>contemplating their ingredients.  I said to her, "These things could kill
>you."  She said, "Well, they're just for the kids."
>
>When the media says that a drug deal went bad, does that mean that until that
>point it was a good deal?
>
>I went to a strip mall the other day with my friend.  Let me tell you, I was
>disappointed.  Everyone else had on clothes.
>
>Can a person be chalant?  Can weather be clement?  And are children ever
ruly?
>
>The penalty for bigamy is two wives.
>
>Bill Gates and Janet Reno look like they might be related.
>
>Is your holier side your altar ego?
>
>My 5-year-old daughter was asked by her teacher what her father does, 
> and she replied, "Whatever my Mom tells him to."
>
>Why is it that 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name?
>
>Did you hear about the new female delivery service"  It's called U-PMS, and
>they deliver whenever the heck they feel like it.
>
>Sometimes I think I'm undecided, and then sometimes I'm not so sure.
>
>A Halloween trick or treater showed up at my door as an IRS agent.  It was
>very authentic; he took 40% of our candy.
>
>What height do I have to be to qualify for the "Small Businessman of the
>Year" award?
>
>A friend of mine just told me that his favorite dog was the cocker spangle.
>
>Beauty is in the eyes of the beer holder.
>

>Who is this Al Neenyo?  And why are they trying to blame everything on him.
>
>Did ancient Roman paramedics refer to IVs as fours?
>
>I just polished my entire dining room table with the wax off one cucumber.
>
>A girl I once worked with told me her dog was a dober pincherman.
>
>I can't decide if my main fault is procrastination or indecisiveness.  Well,
>I'll worry about that later.
> 
Those who live by the sword 		1cobra1@gte.net
get shot by those who don't.		KE4EIF