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[mob] [Fwd: FC Sporadic for Wednesday, November 20, 2002]
Pud from FuckedCompany almost gets into a fight with the CEO of
Mycoupons.com.. :-)
Robbie
-----Forwarded Message-----
> From: R. A. Hettinga <[email protected]>
> To: Digital Bearer Settlement List <[email protected]>
> Subject: FC Sporadic for Wednesday, November 20, 2002
> Date: 20 Nov 2002 08:45:40 -0500
>
> --- begin forwarded text
>
> From: "pud" <[email protected]>
> Date: Wed, 20 Nov 2002 06:21:15 -0500
> Subject: FC Sporadic for Wednesday, November 20, 2002
>
> Hi,
>
> Today's is a long sporadic but it's a good one. I think. Or it sucks, I
> dunno, but I had fun writing it.
>
> When was the last time you were picked on by a bully? Heckled?
>
> I thought I was done with that shit after that dude Roberto who used to
> beat me up in sixth grade wound up in jail for dropping a rock onto a
> moving car from an overpass.
>
> But no, it happened again yesterday. This jock guy was picking on me like I
> was twelve. Specifically, it was Jason Wolfe, CEO of
> MyCoupons.com/DirectResponse.com.
>
> What I'm about to tell you is the true, accurate, non-embellished story. In
> case you don't believe me, I encourage and implore you to ask Mr. Wolfe
> yourself for his side of the story. He can be reached at
> <mailto:[email protected]>[email protected], or more
> conveniently on his cell phone at 412-425-3445.
>
> ...think he needs some magazine subscriptions? i've just finished signing
> him up for the Marines... Semper Fi, Jason!
>
> Anyway, here's what happened. I was here in NYC speaking at this online
> marketing tradeshow called
> <http://www.ad-tech.com/live/90/events/90NYC02>AdTech. Specifically, I was
> helping out my friends at ClickSquad.com with their presentation.
>
> So Andy from ClickSquad does his shtick, selling his wares in front of the
> full crowd of about 50 people in the conference section of the tradeshow
> floor. He then introduces me, as I'm supposed to talk and give examples
> from
> <http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/stores/detail/-/books/0743228626/r>my
> book about companies that squandered money on failed marketing ideas.
>
> As soon as Andy introduces me, this meathead-looking dude standing to the
> side wearing a green monogrammed polo shirt starts to "boo" me. I notice
> that he's standing next to two or three other frat boys, all wearing the
> same green shirt. The normal people in the room are politely applauding my
> introduction, and this guy is booing.
>
> So I walk up with a copy of my book in hand. I open with, "hey look, the
> green shirts are booing me. They must be in my book!"
>
> Everyone laughs. Except this idiot in the green shirt. "It's all lies!" he
> shouts. "EVERYTHING YOU WRITE ABOUT, IT'S ALL MADE-UP LIES!" At this point,
> random people around the tradeshow are wondering what the hell is happening
> and a large crowd starts to form around the speaking area, around the
> filled seats.
>
> "LIES!! STORIES!!" he shouts like he has Turrets or something.
>
> "He's right," I say to the crowd. "Everything on my website and in my book,
> I made it all up."
>
> Figuring that would shut him up, I continued as planned. I'm introducing
> myself to the audience for a minute or two - he starts back up, heckling.
>
> "IT'S BECAUSE OF PEOPLE LIKE YOU THAT ALL THESE COMPANIES WENT OUT OF
> BUSINESS!!!"
>
> "What?" I asked.
>
> He repeats his claim, yelling even louder. At this point, everyone in the
> tradeshow has moved over to the speaking area, a few hundred onlookers. The
> green-shirted asshole moves really close to me, separated only by the
> velvet ropes around the podium.
>
> "I'd love to take credit for the downfall of all these dot-com companies,"
> I said. "I really would. But I think it has more to do with superbowl ads,
> $800 chairs, $1 million launch parties, and more generally, the fact that
> most of the companies in my book went out of business because they didn't
> make enough money."
>
> I go on to give examples of companies going out of business that were
> clearly "my fault". For example, Pets.com and their multi-million-dollar
> superbowl ads. Furniture.com spending more money to ship items than they
> were making from them. DigiScents spending $20 million so you could *smell*
> websites. Hell, I'd like to take personal credit for Enron and Worldcom
> while we're at it.
>
> You get the point, and so did the audience. Mister green-shirt's face is
> turning purple, clearly realizing that he's waged a losing battle. Guys
> like Mr. Wolfe aren't exactly known for their intellectual prowess or
> debating expertise, if ya know what I mean...
>
> You have to realize, at this point I had no idea who this freak was or what
> his problem was. At one point I thought maybe he was mentally handicapped
> so I felt bad arguing with him in front of all these people. So I continue
> with the presentation.
>
> Thirty-seconds later, "YOU POSTED COPYWRITED INFORMATION ABOUT MY
> COMPANY!!!" he screams loudly.
>
> "You have a company?" I asked, figuring he has an ice cream route or something.
>
> "I'm the founder and CEO of MyCoupons.com!" he exclaimed proudly, like the
> fat kid who finished all his pie.
>
> Ah ha! This guy is a bitter CEO of a fucked dot-com! An actual dot-com CEO!
> This weirdo actually runs a business! I dunno, I might be going out on a
> limb here but I'm gonna have to say that it's PEOPLE LIKE HIM who drive
> their companies into the ground -- I just stand around and watch like
> everyone else. I was flabbergasted.
>
> So anyway.
>
> "You posted copywrited information on your website!" he yelled again,
> making sure the crowd could hear him. Apparently he didn't realize that
> everyone thought he was nuts.
>
> The first thing that popped into my mind - in the microphone for all to
> hear, "Bet I made more money from your copywrited information than you
> did..!"
>
> That was a proud moment in my pathetic little life.
>
> Editors note: Later that day when I got home I checked FC to see what
> "copywrited information" I posted. I posted a note that he sent to all
> MyCoupons users notifying them about impending lawsuits and the company's
> financial problems. It wasn't even an internal memo, it WAS intended for
> distribution.
>
> Anyway, getting back to the story? I ignored his stare-down and finished my
> presentation.
>
> Presentation over, audience loudly applauding me, Mr. Wolfe looking like a
> dumbass.
>
> As soon as I walk off the stage, he gets all huffy in my face. Flashbacks
> of sixth grade, I'm actually kinda nervous, thinking this nut-job might
> actually hit me. Then again, my apartment needs new floors and I could use
> the money so I'm kinda hoping he's gonna take a swing.
>
> At this point I'm supposed to walk back to the ClickSquad booth and sign
> books. There's a huge crowd of people following me and this pinhead --
> who's in my face. His face is turning purple and I can't make out what he's
> babbling about but he's doing that thing where he's talking and spit is
> coming out of his mouth. It was kinda gross so I said to him, "Your breath
> smells. Could you stop talking to me?" in my best
> I'm-not-twelve-anymore-you-fuckface delivery.
>
> I turn around to sign a book or something. He whips around and gets in my
> face yelling, "WHAT'D YOU SAY!??! WHAT'D YOU SAY?!?! WHAT'D YOU SAY!?!!".
> Serious flashbacks to sixth grade here, remember the guy who used to say
> "You gotta staring problem??!" It was like that.
>
> "I said your breath stinks. Invest in a fucking toothbrush," I replied. I
> had a stern facade but I spot his clenched fist and inside I can feel this
> dude about to deck me.
>
> Suddenly the other green-shirts appeared out of nowhere and forcefully
> pulled him away before he could pummel me.
>
> The moral of the story? There is none. I'm just a big pussy.
>
> So that's all.. thanks for reading. There are some pretty juicy "fucks" and
> memos this week too, some of the highlights are below.
>
> Rock on, just trying to help,
> pud
>
> === Sponsor ===
> Get a free Xbox or PlayStation2 when you signup for Speakeasy Broadband:
> <http://www.speakeasy.net/fucked/>http://www.speakeasy.net/fucked/ ===
> /Sponsor ===
>
> Here are some of this week's featured fucks. As usual, new ones on the site
> everyday.
>
>
>
> You've got coal!
> AOL
> cancels holiday parties, according to
> <http://www.internalmemos.com/memos/memodetails.php?memo_id=1094>this
> internal memo from the CEO. Oh yeah in other AOL news, rumor has it about
> 1,000 people will be laid off this month.
> When:
> 11/19/2002
> Company: AOL
> Severity: 45
> Points: 130
>
>
>
>
>
> Busted
> Well
> this is kinda fucked up... in September 2001, Verio had major layoffs.
> Those affected had "RIF1" listed on their paystubs. In February '02, they
> once again made major cuts, and those people had "RIF2" on their checks.
> Management had since claimed that there is no planned RIF (reduction in
> force) planned for the future. So last week, every employee at Verio
> mistakenly had "RIF3" on their checks. Here's
> <http://www.internalmemos.com/memos/memodetails.php?memo_id=1092>the
> internal memo where the CEO admits the fuckup, and that layoffs are indeed
> in the works...
> When:
> 11/19/2002
> Company: Verio
> <javascript:popUp('profile.cfm?newsID=95728')>
> Severity: 80
> Points: 179
>
>
>
>
>
> Toughy
>
> "Several hundred" to go at Bank of America, according to
> <http://www.internalmemos.com/memos/memodetails.php?memo_id=1093> this
> internal memo from the CTO.
> When:
> 11/19/2002
> Company: Bank of America
> Severity: 65
> Points: 165
>
>
>
>
>
> On the 12th day of Christmas, I got a pink slip
> Rumor
> has it <http://www.cgey.com/>Cap Gemini Ernst & Young just announced to all
> UK employees that 10% of em will be jobless come Xmas...
> When:
> 11/19/2002
> Company: Cap Gemini Ernst & Young
> <javascript:popUp('profile.cfm?newsID=95684')>
> Severity: 45
> Points: 145
>
>
>
>
>
> ActiveBuddy, can you spare a dime?
> Rumor
> has it, $12 million later, Active Buddy is out of money. Spending all your
> dough on marketing and legal fees can juice you up but word is VC's at
> <http://www.witsoundview.com/>Wit Soundview have finally stepped in to run
> the company. The PR machine, while strong, is apparently misleading. If you
> don't remember, these are the guys with the
> <http://comments.fuckedcompany.com/fc/phparchives/search.php?search=acti>bogus
> patent.
> When:
> 11/19/2002
> Company: ActiveBuddy
> Severity: 90
> Points: 190
>
>
>
>
>
> Wuddup bro
> Rumor
> has it 5 to 20% of 13,000 employees are about to be cut from
> <http://www.lehman.com/>Lehman Brothers over the next few months. dayam.
> When:
> 11/19/2002
> Company: Lehman Brothers
> <javascript:popUp('profile.cfm?newsID=95716')>
> Severity: 75
> Points: 175
>
>
>
>
>
> Bad news
> Rumor
> has it the entire news division of <http://xmradio.com/>XM Radio was
> vaporized -- 82 people.
> When:
> 11/19/2002
> Company: XM Radio
> Severity: 55
> Points: 155
>
>
>
>
>
> Grounded
> 9,000
> <http://abcnews.go.com/wire/Business/reuters20021117_211.html>more cuts
> expected from United Airlines.
> When:
> 11/19/2002
> Company: United AIrlines
> <javascript:popUp('profile.cfm?newsID=95697')>
> Severity: 85
> Points: 184
>
>
>
>
>
> Sorgan Manley
> Rumor
> has it Morgan Stanley's Berlin branch just closed yesterday. Word is staff
> in Munich and Frankfurt reduced to five employees each.
> When:
> 11/19/2002
> Company: Morgan Stanley
> Severity: 50
> Points: 150
>
>
>
>
>
> Ribbit
> Rumor
> has it five designers were just laid off from
> <http://www.frogdesign.com/>Frog Design.
> When:
> 11/19/2002
> Company: Frog Design
> Severity: 45
> Points: 145
>
>
>
>
>
> Periscope
>
> Pericom Semiconductor to
> <http://biz.yahoo.com/rc/021118/tech_pericomsemiconductor_outlook_1.html>layoff
> 10% of their 240 employees.
> When:
> 11/19/2002
> Company: Pericom Semiconductor
> Severity: 75
> Points: 175
>
>
>
>
>
> Coolio
>
> Cooley Godward is gonna
> <http://seattle.bizjournals.com/seattle/stories/2002/11/11/daily42.html>
> close an office... Word is no severance offered.
> When:
> 11/19/2002
> Company: Cooley Godward
> <javascript:popUp('profile.cfm?newsID=95739')>
> Severity: 65
> Points: 165
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Copywrite 2002. Maybe the MyCoupons.com will post this "copywrited"
> information on his website.
>
> --- end forwarded text
>
>
> --
> -----------------
> R. A. Hettinga <mailto: [email protected]>
> The Internet Bearer Underwriting Corporation <http://www.ibuc.com/>
> 44 Farquhar Street, Boston, MA 02131 USA
> "... however it may deserve respect for its usefulness and antiquity,
> [predicting the end of the world] has not been found agreeable to
> experience." -- Edward Gibbon, 'Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire'
>