WELK: Welkisms

[Brian Phillips <hagar@mindspring.net>]

I got this from my Lawrence Welk mailing group and it was so damm funny I
had to send it along. I hope you 
enjoy it as much as I did.

Darren
--------
>From: CGLADYSZ@landauer.com
>To: darren.hutton@gte.net
>Subject: WELK: Welkisms
>Date: July 16, 1998
>
>I found my list after scrounging around my apartment.  So I thought I
>would share it with you all.  Hope you enjoy.
>
> --Christopher
>
>**************************
>WELKISMS: A Wunnerful Way With Words
>(Compiled by Dick Wilson, a sound mixer who worked on "The Lawrence Welk
>Show" for more than three decades)
>
>"Now the band will play a medley of tunes from World War Eye [World War
>I]."
>
>During an audience warm-up: "I just wrote a book, but don't go out and
>buy it yet, because I don't think it's finished yet."
>
>"There are good days and there are bad days, and this is one of them."
>
>Introducing a guest performer: "His act may start out slow, but it
>tapers off."
>
>When an audience was not responding with generous applause: "I see we
>have a few sourpussies in the group tonight."
>
>Referring to rock music: "That's not my cup of dish."
>
>"How do you spell conductor after C-U-N?"
>
>To the band just before going on the air: "Boys, look like you're having
>fun, but don't have any."
>
>"I just had an idea that went right over my head."
>
>Introducing the high potentate at a Shriner's convention: "Ladies and
>Gentlemen, your high totem pole."
>
>To his stand-in: "Whenever you have a minute I'd like to see you right
>now."
>
>To a band member: "I never realized that your hair was so close to your
>head before."
>
>To a performer who apologized for being late and said he had no excuse:
>"That's no excuse."
>
>About a vocalist who auditioned: "She has a nice voice, but she looks a
>little bit too much like Eleanor Roosevelt."
>
>To the dress rehearsal audience about the use of a phony turkey on the
>set of a Thanksgiving show: "Don't worry, folks, this will be a real
>turkey when it gets on the air."
>
>To the person who wrote his cue cards: "Don't use the word 'dat' (that).
>I can say 'dis' (this), but I can't say 'dat' (that)."
>
>"I just let it in one ear and out the top of my head."
>
>When a group of people came in to discuss problems in the band: "You
>know, when people band together, it causes a house divided."
>
>Referring to a singing duo he first heard perform at a nightclub: "They
>were so good, I could hardly wait to get out of there."
>
>When he found the Hollywood Palace stage to be too small to accomodate
>the whole band: "Fire four feet of the band."
>
>"I'm keeping perfect time.  I"ll get my barometer (metronome) and prove
>it."
>
>Then there was the time he accused a vocal group of being out of
>lip-sync when they were singing live.
>
>"Boys, if you don't stick together, how do you expect me to follow
>you-ah?"
>
>"You know, it's a long world."
>
>To the pianist who was rehearsing: "Why do you do that?  You play too
>many notes already."
>
>"That's what really broke the camel's straw."
>
>After a jet plane flew over and disrupted rehearsal: "You know, those
>jet planes make masonic booms."

>
>To the accordionist: "You go over there and play the accordion.  I'll
>stay here and beat off the band."
>
>Asking the guitarist to accompany a guest vocalist: "Get behind her over
>here, and give her a nice feel."
>
>Inviting the Wisconsin Cheese Queen in the audience to come up on stage
>and dance: "Come up here and let us see you cut the cheese."
>
>After a production number in which the Champagne Lady sang of unrequited
>love: "Yes, she sure looks like a woman who has been tampered with."
>
>(reprinted without permission)
>
>
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